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A
Solid Relationship
How to work with your lawyer to
achieve
the best possible outcome
By Diana Shepherd
Before you hire
an attorney to represent you in your divorce, you need
to learn this important truth: you and your lawyer will
become partners, for better or for worse, during and
perhaps for years after the divorce process. And how
well your partnership works can have an enormous affect
upon the process and outcome of your divorce -- and how
much you'll have to spend in legal fees along the way.
So you must make
every effort to hire the right lawyer from the outset. "
If you pick the wrong lawyer, your future, your assets
and your children could be in jeopardy, " says Forrest
Bayard, an attorney in private practice in Chicago. "
You should examine your goals and attitudes before going
to see a lawyer, " he continues. Do you want to be
generous, or nail your ex to the wall? Do you want a
amicable or an adversarial divorce? " Look to your
future. Determine what you want for yourself, your kids,
and your ex in six months, one year, and five years, "
advises Bayard. " Then choose a lawyer who will support
you in realizing that future. " Attorneys have different
styles and biases, he notes, so you should look for one
who's " compatible " with you: who understands and
respects your thoughts and feelings -- and who will
support you to be the best you can be in realizing your
goals. "
Finding a lawyer
Start by asking
for recommendations from close friends or family members
(your friends and your family -- not your spouse's) who
have been through divorce themselves. If you can't get
any personal recommendations, there are professional
organizations that offer lawyer referral services (see "
Lawyer Referral Services " ).
After your
initial conversation with a lawyer, you should be able
to answer these questions: " Does this lawyer listen to
me when I talk? Is the lawyer interested in what my
goals are, or only with his or her own goals? " Look for
someone who:
-
Practices
matrimonial or family law.
-
Has a lot of
experience.
-
Is a skilled
negotiator.
-
Is firm, but
reasonable.
-
Is compatible
with you and your goals.
-
Is totally
candid.
-
Is not in
conflict with your best interest.
Don't share a
lawyer with your spouse; don't hire your spouse's best
friend (even if she's a friend of yours, too), business
partner, or any member of your spouse's family to
represent you -- even if you're on good terms with them.
Aside from the obvious conflict of interest involved,
you'll have created enemies -- and probably a whole new
family feud -- before your divorce settles.
Your choice will
be partially dictated by your spouse's choice: if the
divorce is relatively easy and friendly, you can
probably agree on what kind of representation you need.
If the divorce is very bitter; if there's money, assets,
or children at stake; or if your spouse is just plain "
out to get you, " consider hiring a a well-respected
individual or firm.
As in any
profession, there are good lawyers and bad lawyers. It's
up to you to do your homework -- and to ask the right
questions -- to determine which group your attorney
falls into.
Sometimes,
despite their best efforts, people end up choosing the
wrong lawyers. " Normally, a client will gravitate to
the lawyer who will fulfill his or her needs -- whether
that be for a tough litigator or low-key negotiator, "
observes David Wildstein, who heads the matrimonial
practice at Wilentz, Goldman & Spitzer. If it's clear
that you've chosen the wrong lawyer, he says, don't
compound the problem by sticking with them to the bitter
end. " You'll either prolong the process unnecessarily,
or end up with an unacceptable settlement, " says
Wildstein
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