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Fighting Words (part two)
Oral gratification
Overeating is a classic "flight"
response to a conflict that
appears impossible to solve.
Many people withdraw from a bad
scene and take refuge in comfort
foods, which tend to have a high
fat content. Others may escape
via alcohol or drugs.
Self-destruction usually isn't a
conscious choice, but it is a
possible outcome if there is no
self-control.
The second classic response to
conflict is to stay and fight.
People in this group wage a
verbal battle that could become
physical. These people are the
angry, "in-your-face" types.
Other people resort to sly,
covert fighting tactics. Their
behavior sends out mixed
messages, so they are hard to
figure out and thus can cause us
a great deal of mental angst.
The vast majority of people will
either stay to fight, or take
flight.
Both of these reactions to
conflict lead to heightened
levels of stress, which will
cause some physiological damage.
The medical facts clearly
indicate that a human body
cannot be constantly trying to
adapt to heightened levels of
stress without showing some
damage.
Dr. Hans Selye, a professor of
medicine and surgery at the
University of Montreal,
conducted many studies on the
impact of stress. He proved that
there is a breakdown of the
body's adaptation to stress over
time, and the result can be
sheer exhaustion, a cold, a
nervous breakdown, a collapse in
the form of a heart attack, or
perhaps a major illness such as
cancer.
Medical research just keeps
pumping out volumes of evidence
that prove angry people have a
higher incidence of premature
deaths. Dr. Redford Williams
states in his book, Anger Kills,
that "hostile people, those with
high levels of anger, cynicism
and aggression, are at a higher
risk of developing
life-threatening illnesses."
It's no wonder that the Center
for Disease Control has declared
anger to be a disease.
Anger's profile
No matter what the dispute,
certain common denominators
emerge. Whether we're embroiled
in a corporate battle, a custody
fight, an insurance claim
dispute, or a lovers' quarrel,
here's an overview of the
sequence of events. First the
frustration builds, then the
anger flares, and by the time
"smoke" is coming out of our
ears, we know something in our
system has broken down. We lose
control and, "snap," out pops
the gun and we spray our
opponent with a shower of our
angry, embittered diatribe.
Those nasty words keep us in the
war zone.
Let's move in for a look at the
action on the battlefield. John
and Mary have erected a massive
communication barrier. He calls
her a liar and a cheat, and she
tells him he's a lush who can't
be trusted. Their rage buries
the underlying issues. They
aren't ready to drop their guns,
so the real reason why she felt
she had to lie can't surface.
For some couples, this is the
only sport they play together
that gets their heart thumping!
They become very clever at
ducking and dodging each other's
bullets. Those painful punches,
whether verbal or physical, just
keep coming. But one little
mistake and the next punch could
be deadly.
Eventually, they'll both end up
feeling emotionally exhausted
and beaten with no resolution in
sight. Two people can only
withstand so much crossfire
before their ability to
communicate totally falls apart.
CONTINUE |
