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Life after divorce (part five)
Other planning tools
Aside from a
Will, there are a couple of other estate-planning tools
that could help to provide for your minor children:
"custodial accounts" and "trusts." Before deciding which
route to take, you should talk to an estate-planning
attorney.
You can set up a
custodial account at a bank or brokerage house, which
allows you to make intervivos gifts (given while you're
still living) of assets to a child by transferring these
assets into his or her custodial account. You designate
an adult custodian for each account, who will manage the
assets and pay an allowance (if desired) to the children
until they reach the age of majority.
A trust is a
legal entity that holds and manages assets for one or
more beneficiaries. There are certain types of trusts
that can provide tax benefits to the divorced person
establishing the trust, but "saving taxes for the
beneficiaries is more likely," according to Richard Lert,
an estate lawyer and partner at Wilentz, Goldman &
Spitzer in NJ. Again, you must name a trustee to manage
the assets for your children. Setting up a trust is
complicated, and should not be attempted without an
experienced estate planning attorney.
Body and Soul
Although they're
often neglected, there are two more vitally important
things you have to do post-divorce: create a new social
life (or pick up with old friends you didn't or couldn't
see much during your marriage), and take time to nurture
yourself. If you have young children, you'll be tempted
to devote to them exclusively whatever time you have
outside of work. There's no doubt they need extra love
and attention from you right now, but they also need you
to be OK -- physically and emotionally. And you won't be
OK unless you take some time to care for and enjoy
yourself.
I'm not
suggesting you go out and party every night, but you
must see friends or family at least once a week to
nurture your spirits, and reserve 30 minutes to an hour
a day to care for your body. If you neglect your social
life completely -- even if that's what your kids say
they want -- you're not doing your children any favors.
When they become teenagers, they're unlikely to want to
have you hovering around them at all times. And if your
children are sensitive, they'll pick up on the fact that
you have no life outside of them and they'll begin to
feel responsible for your well-being and happiness.
To keep from
burning out your friends -- you'll want to keep talking
about your divorce long after they've lost interest in
hearing about it -- join a support group. This group of
people will understand what you're going through better
than your closest, happily married friend. Consider
enrolling your kids in a support group of their peers,
too.
How you take care
of your physical self is up to you. You could meditate
in the mornings after you wake up; go for a walk, run,
or join an exercise class (with a friend, if possible)
at noon or after work; book a daily or weekly massage;
or take a hot bubble bath before bed. What you choose to
do will depend on your needs and level of physical
fitness, but you need to do something that's only for
yourself every day. By participating in "self-centered"
activities, you're also sending a message to your
subconscious that you're "worth it" -- an added
psychological bonus in a time when your self-esteem may
be at a low ebb.
A Word about Wills
Even though every Will
is unique -- because it depends on your personal
circumstances -- most Wills contain similar types of
information, such as:
-
A clause
revoking any and all previous Wills you may have
written.
-
The names of
your estate executor and a substitute executor (in
the event your first choice is dead or
incapacitated).
-
The names of
your beneficiaries and exactly what property you are
leaving to each one.
-
Information
regarding how any estate-related expenses -- such as
estate taxes and fees, or debts -- will be paid.
There are some
things you can't do with a Will, including:
-
Leaving money
to someone for them to use for an illegal purpose.
-
Giving away
property or assets you don't own.
-
Making
inheritance conditional on the beneficiary
performing an action or behaving in a manner that
isn't in the interest of good public policy.
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